apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
