I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
