I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
