i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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