you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
