I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
