I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We left the knife in your bed.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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