dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
50% drunk capacity currently
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
