Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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