Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
