I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
