I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
