I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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