9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
