she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
