This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
