This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
