There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
