i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
