Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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