Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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