A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
