The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
