you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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