It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
