is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
