so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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