Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize