I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
