it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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