I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
