it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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