he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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