people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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