Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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