Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
