today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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