I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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