I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
