I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
