bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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