i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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