why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
