Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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