First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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