i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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