he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
