can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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