the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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