i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
