thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
