I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
